Make Do and Mend

My dogs amongst the pink flowers of 'Thrift'  An appropriately named plant under the circumstances

Sadly, when I look at the glass this week, it's half empty. This coincides with the state of my bank account, thanks to Mr Chancellor.  I've managed to pay the car tax and the council tax but my self-employed national insurance payment is overdue.  And because of these taxing demands on my income, I can't afford to fix all the things that have gone phut recently.
I admit the situation isn't life threatening but it's damned annoying.

The dishwasher broke.  This doesn't matter as I can always use the sink but I miss being able to hide dirty dishes when somebody comes to the door.  And the digi-box is on the blink.  It freezes the screen and only works if facing away from the telly. Now I have to leap off the sofa and stand by the window every time I want to change channels otherwise the box doesn't receive the command signal from the remote control. 

My faithful old hairdryer went 'ping' and expired on Friday.  No, it's not the end of the world either, but it used to belong to my mother, was at least 20 years old and I was accustomed to having it around. 
Okay, 20 years is a good innings for any appliance, but this one went just as I switched it on, minutes before I was due to go to work.  I resorted to towel drying and then combed my hair into some semblance of style before applying half a can of lacquer to keep it in place, otherwise it looks as if I've stuck my finger into the plug socket.  A further downside was that the hat I have to wear at work wouldn't stay on as my new hairstyle was completely solid.

Then there is the car.  It has gasket problems (I know how it feels) and it's tappets are tappeting.  They make a noise that resembles a sub-machine gun going off at full blast. My friends casually raise a hand in greeting without taking the trouble to turn their heads to look at me.  They know who it is by the sound of the engine.
Everyone else dives into the bushes.
And to add insult to injury, the starter motor is playing up.  Or, I should say, it's playing dead - for at least four turns of the key.  I've got a stone in the car that I use to beat it into submission.  I was told this was the thing to do but I'm not so sure.  It doesn't seem to be the slightest bit afraid of me and I've no doubt that it'll take revenge and refuse to start at all when it's most inconvenient - and raining.  It's the same stone that I used on my last car.  With that one I used it to hit the battery connection whenever it decided to take the day off and so the stone has become a very necessary part of my mechanical tool kit.

Finally in this tale of woe, the loo has broken.  I don't know who decided to manufacture a ballcock and all the trimmings out of plastic, but it was not a good idea.  At least with old fashioned copper you could bend the arm and lower the ballcock so the water switched off before reaching the overflow.  Not so with plastic.  It simply breaks. Which mine did.
The result was a constant trickle of water through the overflow pipe.  It ran down the outside wall and could have threatened the foundations if left that way.  Not being able to afford plumber's rates at the moment (children, become plumbers or electricians, trust me, you'll never be poor) I had to resort to ingenuity.  Being unable to turn off the stopcock (it was jammed for some reason) I stuck a screwdriver into the cistern to hold up the ballcock so as to slow down the flow of water, rammed a hosepipe into the overflow pipe outside, covered the join with duct tape and ran the hose around to the veggie plot. At least in the short term the water wasn't being wasted and as we don't have a hosepipe ban up here, it was perfectly legal.

My business partner came to the rescue.  She very kindly brought over some new parts for the cistern, reached in to lift up the plastic arm and snapped the joint completely.  Water shot up out of the pipe, hit the shelf above and soaked us.
With great presence of mind she covered the breach with her hand while I rushed to find the duct tape, while shouting something along the lines of the little Dutch boy, thumbs and sea walls.  She wasn't impressed.  Maybe she thought she'd have to stay in the bathroom for five days or however long it took for him to be discovered.
I eventually tracked down the tape (it was still outside - see above) and we repaired the joint.  She did manage to turn off the stop-cock completely, but unfortunately the bits she'd brought for the repair didn't fit.
Now going to the loo has become quite an experience.
I have to turn on the stop-cock, let the water fill the cistern and then switch it back off otherwise water floods the bathroom.  The overflow can no longer cope with the rush of water as my screwdriver/hosepipe system is defunct.
This is all very well, but, as all ladies of a certain age know, time is not always of the essence when needing  the loo.  But at least it amuses my grandchildren.

So if there is a mechanically/electrically minded plumber out there who would take pity on a poor old soul and come to her assistance, your help would be gratefully appreciated.  And while you are here, is there any chance that you could cast your eyes over the sealant around the bath?  It's not looking too good either...